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MEN, ARE YOU SPOILING HER OR PROTECTING HER?

A man of godly value must learn the difference between spoiling and protecting—between enabling and truly loving. Spoiling people, especially ladies, often comes from a place of insecurity masked as kindness. It's when you overextend yourself emotionally, financially, or spiritually in the name of care, while ignoring the truth that love without discipline becomes destructive. On the other hand, protecting someone means being committed enough to set boundaries, say no when necessary, and lead with wisdom, not weakness. Proverbs 25:28 says, “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” When you refuse to set boundaries, you're not being generous—you’re being careless with the garden God asked you to guard.

As a godly man, your calling is not to buy affection, but to build trust. You are not called to raise entitled partners, but to serve and lead in love. Ephesians 5:25 calls men to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” That kind of love was sacrificial, but not foolish. It didn’t give everything on demand—it gave what was needed to build her up in purpose and purity. Jesus didn’t spoil the Church; He sanctified her. Similarly, if your giving isn’t making the woman in your life more focused, more disciplined, and more aligned with Christ—it may not be love, it may be appeasement.

Commitment means protecting her heart, not just pleasing her emotions. It means asking yourself hard questions: Am I helping her grow in Christ or making her lazy with my kindness? Am I investing out of purpose or out of fear of being alone or unloved? 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 says, “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.” Love is strong. Love has standards. Love knows how to say, “Enough,” not because it is harsh, but because it is holy. Brothers, stop confusing sacrifice with foolishness. You are called to be a protector, not a provider of dysfunction. Set boundaries. Keep your honor. Lead with love and wisdom. That’s true manhood.

Prince Victor Matthew 

Hope Expression Hub 

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